New Beginning

This is the start of a new leaf! I've done a lot of thinking, talking, and disagreeing. The more I think about how to be happy, the more it makes sense to me and the easier it seems. Being me, I like to share my thoughts with others, and this is where I hit the bumps in the road. I realized how rare it is to know how to be happy. It seems simple to me, but when I think about my background, I think about how my upbringing and my decisions I have made for myself made me open my eyes.
After my first year on my own, I had no one to blame for my misfortunes but myself. I learned to let go of the pain in my past and focused on what I learned from it. It is nearly impossible for humans to learn until they experience the consequences of failing. I would say pain is the motivation but that's where we go wrong. Focusing on the pain of an experience without looking at what we have gained through it prevents us from overcoming our failure. Instead, we deem it impossible.
I have learned that my thoughts lately, are not widely understood. I believe I am on the right track, but not fully there yet. I have come a long way from who I was in Jr. High, and it took me a long time to be proud of who I was then. But I don't live for my 14 year old self; I live for today and learn for tomorrow. I believe I know the right path to happiness so I've been trying to share it with others, not only to share my insight but to gain some more insight. The insight I gained was that it's hard to think about this kind of stuff and most people don't want to. So this is where I've been running into my frustrations—people. I'm not gaining much understanding from other when I share my thoughts because they typically defy social norms.
Social Norm: the normal and typical behaviour of a society. BLEGHH. This is where capers get it wrong. In order to be happy you have to understand that being different or defying social norms is okay, as long as you're not hurting anyone. To be comfortable ini your own skins requires a certain amount of ability to say fuck it and fuck them because they don't matter. Capers are all about manners and being nice to strangers but they're the first ones to talk behind your back or gossip about the neighbours.
Negativity: evil aahahaha
It's a poison within the human mind. It makes us doubt others, but most of all, it makes us doubt ourselves. It's so easy to care about what people think when you know how much gossip happens when you're not around. If others judge you so harshly, it's easy to have a low opinion of yourself.
Lesson: The easy road doesn't lead to happiness.
Within this society you have to fight for yourself because it is not built around happiness. Society is built around money, fear, and indulgence.
When I was younger (and not much younger) I was always afraid to ask a question unless I pretty much knew the answer. In order to have the confidence to raise my hand, I needed the confidence to do it. Unfortunately I used to care too much about what my classmates thought and not enough about what I was actually learning. Long story short: confidence is key. We need confidence in ourself to be able to say that the social norm, isn't right, at least not for you. It's okay to be different, just don't be different for the sake of being different. Do it for yourself.
As soon as I learned how to make myself happy and to be happy alone I figured things out. This is where relationships get in the way. As soon as you center your entire happiness around one person you lose who you are. Essentially, giving up yourself for somebody else. Make yourself happy, because regardless of what people think, no matter how much you love someone, you can't love them the way they deserve until you learn how to turn the love inwards as well. Well at least it causes a lot less problems ahaha.

This is my new venting tool because I think my friends are getting tired of my vicious rants. Mostly because I'm talking out my ass and arguing with myself. Figuring things out as I go. Applying what I learn to tomorrow.