Nothing Changes

Here I am—awake. Even though it's only 12:25, I really should be in bed, especially after this morning's incident. I always know when I've slept in because I wake up feeling absolutely rested. Then that terrible moment where you look at the clock occurs and panic mode is flicked on... I don't think it was a huge deal that I was late but I still felt horrible. I hate being late for work. Unfortunately, I hate waking up even more. Luckily, the day at work FLEW by.

Besides another boring week of training, I have a few things planned for the weekend. One, I get paid on Friday [WOOTS!]. As soon as I am done at work on Friday, Court and I are taking on the circus (or as out of towners may know it—the fair) for the first time in years. Last time we went we had a blast so this should be interesting. I am especially excited because they have the Sea Dragon there this year. Ever since a little girl I have wanted to go on that ride, but I was always too short. This year: me and that Sea Dragon will meet. It shall be magical. Other events occurring this weekend shall be the drive-in and paying off some debt... yay.

I really wish I could motivate myself to work out. I'm letting myself go lately and I don't like it at all. I know I am too weak to diet or cut out certain foods, much too weak. My McDonalds bet has been going along well; about two weeks McDonalds free. No one thought I'd make it this far... only three more months to go *gulp*. I've replaced McDonalds with baked goods and subway, lovely.

Already school is stressing me out. It's three months away and it's already fucking stressing me out. First it was looking for apartments, then I gave up on that and decided to go on residence again. Then it was my courses, they're alllllll fucked up right now. I had to send an email to the dean of science to try and get into a class that is full, we'll see how that goes. Then it was me and Stephanie talking about MCATs and med school. Every time I think about either I can feel my breathing shallow and my heart rate speed up. Working as hard you can for something that you almost know you are never going to achieve is a difficult reality to accept, but if I don't try, a miracle can't happen. My plan is to have a couple back up plans; I currently have three. Who know's which road I'll take when I reach that intersection in my life.

I suppose I should wrap this up soon and try to sleep... My latest pre-sleep routine is Super Mario. Since I have a desk in my room now, I can lay in bed and play games on my beautiful monitor (how I love you 24" samsung). Although mario sounds pretty good right now my guitar is staring at me, screaming, "PLAY MEEEE, WRITE MORE HALF SONGS". The thought of not being able to finish one more song makes me want to smash my beloved guitar into pieces. Nothing is more frustrated than hitting writer's block half-way through something.

Anyways, I suppose I should stop procrastinating and actually hop into bed.

Goodnight,
Erica