Nothing Changes

Here I am—awake. Even though it's only 12:25, I really should be in bed, especially after this morning's incident. I always know when I've slept in because I wake up feeling absolutely rested. Then that terrible moment where you look at the clock occurs and panic mode is flicked on... I don't think it was a huge deal that I was late but I still felt horrible. I hate being late for work. Unfortunately, I hate waking up even more. Luckily, the day at work FLEW by.

Besides another boring week of training, I have a few things planned for the weekend. One, I get paid on Friday [WOOTS!]. As soon as I am done at work on Friday, Court and I are taking on the circus (or as out of towners may know it—the fair) for the first time in years. Last time we went we had a blast so this should be interesting. I am especially excited because they have the Sea Dragon there this year. Ever since a little girl I have wanted to go on that ride, but I was always too short. This year: me and that Sea Dragon will meet. It shall be magical. Other events occurring this weekend shall be the drive-in and paying off some debt... yay.

I really wish I could motivate myself to work out. I'm letting myself go lately and I don't like it at all. I know I am too weak to diet or cut out certain foods, much too weak. My McDonalds bet has been going along well; about two weeks McDonalds free. No one thought I'd make it this far... only three more months to go *gulp*. I've replaced McDonalds with baked goods and subway, lovely.

Already school is stressing me out. It's three months away and it's already fucking stressing me out. First it was looking for apartments, then I gave up on that and decided to go on residence again. Then it was my courses, they're alllllll fucked up right now. I had to send an email to the dean of science to try and get into a class that is full, we'll see how that goes. Then it was me and Stephanie talking about MCATs and med school. Every time I think about either I can feel my breathing shallow and my heart rate speed up. Working as hard you can for something that you almost know you are never going to achieve is a difficult reality to accept, but if I don't try, a miracle can't happen. My plan is to have a couple back up plans; I currently have three. Who know's which road I'll take when I reach that intersection in my life.

I suppose I should wrap this up soon and try to sleep... My latest pre-sleep routine is Super Mario. Since I have a desk in my room now, I can lay in bed and play games on my beautiful monitor (how I love you 24" samsung). Although mario sounds pretty good right now my guitar is staring at me, screaming, "PLAY MEEEE, WRITE MORE HALF SONGS". The thought of not being able to finish one more song makes me want to smash my beloved guitar into pieces. Nothing is more frustrated than hitting writer's block half-way through something.

Anyways, I suppose I should stop procrastinating and actually hop into bed.

Goodnight,
Erica

Kicking and Screaming

Let's start this off with you're pathetic, also blocked. You call me out on being a selfish person who used you for my own personal gain, but if I'm that bad of a person, I'd love to know why you even bother. Just trying to make my life miserable? Make sure I know I'm a bad person? Well, unfortunately (for you), it's not working; you have no right. Anyways, I'm done with that—for good.

In other news:
I started my training at Stream. Today was my third day and it already feels like I've been there a life time. It's easy to the point where you go insane with boredom.

This is my third attempt at a new post. I start writing and just have so much going through my head that I just have no idea what to share and what not to share. The reason for sharing that little tidbit of information is because I'm considering giving up—again... Instead I'm going to post some photos from the past few days. Sound good?! GREAT! I'll start with the oldest.






I'm too lazy to even tell what any of these photos are... Awesome.

I also noticed AFTER I posted this that Blogger's photo uploaded posted all my photos backwards. So, instead, they are newest to oldest. Sue me.

Bloggin', Like A Boss...

Such a lazzzzy day. I didn't fall asleep last night until about 9-10AM, slept until 4PM (I rock). Although, as late as I did sleep-in, I don't feel bad. I woke up—and was bored instantly. I am currently still in PJs, my day so far has consisted entirely of playing guitar, creeping people on Facebook, killing zombies, and being a cranky pants, and the only reason I will change from PJs today is so I can go pick up my nightly nom (Chinese tonight!).

Why do some people tell you to fuck off and get out of your life, but when you do just that they won't leave you alone? I want to snap back so bad, but I know that is wrong; that will only bring about an argument I do not want to endure. If he wants to talk, he'll talk to me with respect and not like a 15 year old. Snarky remarks are not the way to get a reaction out of me. When you talk to me like an adult and think about what the hell you're saying, that's when I'll have a conversation with you and try to sort things out. I do not like when things go so wrong with people I am close to but I am patient and will not tolerate accusations.

Anyways, ENOUGH WITH THE LAME RANT. During my sleepless night I had a burst of creativity and started writing again! The song isn't even depressing, which is kind of a first for me... The tradeoff I got for losing the depressing undertone is MUSH. It's a love song that came from no where. I am not currently in love, not even close. I don't even have a love life to speak of at the moment. It's a reality that I am content with as I am in no rush in my life. I am assuming the song is speaking of what I actually want in a relationship, no funny business. I don't want a marriage like relationship, I want a friend who I can have fun with, no expectations, no pressure, just company whom I can laugh with, watch a movie with, and will be there when I wake up. I've realized the most essential feature I am looking for in a guy is that he can make me laugh, difficulties are inevitable, but are easier to overcome when you can laugh about how silly we can all be sometimes.

I'm currently watching the survivor final with my mom. We had a girls night tonight, which was a nice change of pace. We actually had a few good conversations on the drive to Hong Fa and back. We talked about dating, friends, religion, etc. It's nice to have a real, intelligent, and mature conversation once in a while, especially with someone who you rarely talk to below a screaming level of volume.

On a completely different (and geeky) note, I am considering buying a mobile internet plan. I started pricing them online at Rogers so if anyone has any thoughts or tips with Mobile Internet, please share. I know I don't want one of their netbooks with the built-in Rocket internet as I could find a much better netbook for a lot less than what they are advertising. I also know for sure I don't want another contract, I'll save up to buy the internet stick myself. The stress of one contract is enough for me, two would be overwhelming. The data plan I would choose is something I am entirely unsure at this moment. I never go through much data on my smartphone, I think the most I have used in the run of a month is 140mb. I'm thinking either a 1 or 2GB plan. I am currently between two netbooks as a FUTURE purchase—the Asus Eee PC Seashell (Karim Rashid Edition) and the new (not even released yet) Sony Vaio P Series. I have never been a fan of Sony computers, EVER, but the new upgrade and look on the P Series has serious potential. I will most likely wait for some reviews on the Vaio P before I make any decisions because Sony's history with computers being an epic fail is undeniable.

So geek rant is over. I'm annoying today haha! As a closer I will talk about my fading relationship with twitter. I was so into it about a month ago and now I forget about it alllll the time. I try to post occasionally, but like I said, I always forget about it's existence, almost as often as I forget about my deviantart...

P.I.M.P. (Photos, Internet, & My Procrastination)

Ah procrastination, what a familiar visitor you are in my life. I should currently be cleaning my room before my mom has a shit fit OR getting ready to hang out with Meghan. But sitting here in my PJs playing plants vs. zombies just feels so right!
Me and Court got out to take some pictures yesterday. We did ONE of like the FIVE ideas we had planned. The beach was simply much too cold and windy to do another shoot there and while we were on our way to Sydney to look for some abandoned buildings it started to rain :(. All in all it was a pretty successful day though. We spent hours editing the photos on my TV (because my laptop's screen is WAY too small to edit on and I currently don't have a desk to put my monitor on). We were so excited when the editing was done. But, after I started uploading them to Facebook, I noticed the contrast on the photos was way different from what it was on the TV. Turns out my dad has the contrast on the TV turned way up and we edited to accomodate this. So now, all the pictures look darker and not as vibrant as they were supposed to look :(! I'm also much too lazy to re-edit them. Maybe at a later date I will...

Current Events Update:
......... My internet is (how can I put this nicely?) FUCKED. It cuts in and out every like ten minutes now. I couldn't even leave my msn on last night because it kept signing in and out and in and out. I apologize to anyone on my contact list who has the sound on when someone signs in on their msn. I already has Aliant here to try and fix my connection and since then it has only gotten worse! Idgets... |A.D.D. Moment #1: the word idgets reminds me of supernatural, and thus, reminds me of the finale. OMG.... it was amazing........! I won't talk about it just in case anyone hasn't seen it yet or, for those who don't watch it, wants to start watching the show (hint hint wink wink nudge nudge WATCH THE F*CKING SHOW).|
I suppose I'll cut this post somewhat short (compared to my last one) because I really should start cleaning and getting ready...

After I kill some more zombies... muah

the n00est n00b

So, I've become victim to another aspect of the internet; I have started blogging. It started with a simple nostalgic visit to my old livejournal, then the sudden desire to begin posting to livejournal again, then the idea to start fresh, and VOILA, here I am. I hardly think this will stick. Like all things in my life, blogging has been something I like a lot for a little while, then just stop doing it altogether for a little longer than a while. Let's hope that's not the case—again!

This shall be a place to dump my thoughts, and in a discrete way, share them with those who are up to listening. I never lose the desire to unload my thoughts somewhere, so maybe this will work in the lastest era of my life. But just in case this doesn't stick, here is an update on my current events:

.......... I start my training at Stream this coming monday. I'm scared, I'm excited, and I'm dreading every minute of it. Money will be nice to have again seeing lately I've been forced to become creative to make money in my unemployment. Just yesterday I had to roll coins and recycle bottles to get enough money for some gas money and for the fee at the pool to do some laps. I also would like to give a real gift again rather than taking advantage of the fact that my entire family is a bunch of suckers for a live performance. All I have to do for a good gift is take a song that I've refused to play even after repeated requests and learn how to play it and sing it to them. It also makes me feel a little conceited that I believe my sad excuse for a musical attempt is worth anything to anyone.

.......... My allergies are absolutely killing me. I came to the conclusion earlier today that I have to see a doctor, but the thought of trying to talk to Dr. Cadegan (my gp) makes me want to hurl with frustration. It amazes me that that man is not bankrupt from mal-practice lawsuits (amazes and disgusts me at the same time). Last time I went to talk to him about my allergies, he looked at me and said, "What makes you think you have allergies?" I was simply dumbstruck—speechless—confused by stupidity. Maybe the fact that I am absolutely suffering? Or, I only do it in certain places, after certain smells, I have no other symptoms that would classify it as a cold or the flu? OR when I take reactine I feel allllll better?! Why Doc... I have no idea. How dare I question your authority in the field of diagnostic medicine? In the meantime... I think I have Lupus. Also, I am not looking forward to explaining to him that it would be impossible for me to get rid of my cats simply because I'm allergic to them. Why do some people fail to get that?

......... I miss Halifax terribly. I know that while I was in Halifax I was always expressing that I missed Cape Breton—and my beach! But, now that I'm here, full of all this beauty, warmth, and convenience, I miss my friends back in my, more recently acquired, home. Here in Cape Breton, it feels like a home because of my house, my surroundings, my beach, and all that is familiar to me and has been constant throughout my life. Where in Halifax, it feels like home because of the knowledge that I will always have Stephanie to bring me chicken noodle soup or a flower when I'm sick, Melissa to always go out and have a good time with, T.J. to be my unconditional listener and advisor, and Kassie who's impossible to not smile around. I would however miss my go-to girl, Meghan, my random adventures with Courtney, and the comfort of hanging out with Sam. Which is why the three of you girls should move to Halifax and make life easier for me! Halifax is the city which defines my present, Cape Breton defines where I came from. Constantly being torn between the two is something I've gotten used to in the past few years of my life.

......... I started swimming again. I used to do laps every week. This past year, I haven't gone swimming once until a week ago. And even before that I hadn't swam since the summertime. By far, the longest time frame I have been without my waterwings. Last week, I died in the pool, I was hyperventilating after two laps, and my upper body hurt for a week straight, literally. This week, it was easier; I felt free again. I still nearly drowned out there because of the exhaustion I was experiencing, but I was able to chug on. Swimming again excited me. However, I do have a nasty bit of water in my ear that is proving to want to set up camp right next to my brain and stay a bit.

......... Speaking of brains... I'm obsessed with Plants Vs. Zombies. I play this game literally at least 5 hours a day; it have become slightly excessive. I've only recently dabbled into the thrill of killing zombies and pvz is the most agreeable manner of killing zombies. |A.D.D. Moment #1: The word agreeable reminds me of Pride and Prejudice. I never did finish that novel... I suppose it could be one of my readings this summer.| I could possibly combine my current obsession with my summer to-do and read Pride, Prejudice, and Zombies. I believe that book will be my personal treat to myself with my first paycheck from Stream, as a celebration of an income.

......... Lastly, my insomnia is worse than ever. It is currently 5:19AM and I feel absolutely wide awake. It could be because of my late night Coke binge, and in hindsight, I believe that may have been a bad call to pump massive amounts of sugar and caffeine into myself as a bedtime snack. My habbits need to change and that's another reason I am excited to start work. Hopefully, work will set me back on a normal schedule. |A.D.D. Moment #2: I noticed I accidentally spelled habits, HABBITS. I am way too warped by Lord of The Rings.... Which reminds me that I must catch up on the adventures and explorations of my favorite hairy Hobbits.|

So that's what currently sums up my life. What lies in the future is potentially: photoshoots (I'm doing one tomorrow/today?), beach time, movie marathons, hating my life at stream, and sitting down to relax with a book. Should be interesting.